Becoming a Family of Four - Parker's Birth Story

Photo by Courtney Heckler

Photo by Courtney Heckler

Photo by Courtney Heckler

I'm so excited to be sitting down to type out this story. In November we shared that we were pregnant with Baby 2 and due May 2019, making our kids twenty months apart. If you recall, Baby 1 (aka Grayson), was breech through my third trimester. I switched OBs around 37 weeks to an OB who was extremely experienced with vaginal breech births. With Grayson, I naturally went into labor (my water broke on Labor Day at 39 weeks, 4 days), labored unmedicated, and got to push for about twenty minutes until it was determined that he wasn't recovering well from pushing contractions and for our safety, he was delivered via cesarean. You can read his full birth story here.

His recovery was hard on me, having been active during pregnancy and a generally active person, it was difficult to let myself heal. Plus I had really wanted to experience a vaginal birth. After my c-section, I educated myself about VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean), attended a local support group to both process Grayson's delivery and to prepare for an attempted VBAC for Baby 2 in the future. I also researched VBAC supportive OBs in the community and did a meet and greet with Matt Breeden last June to confirm I was a good VBAC candidate and that the timing of Baby 2 would be ideal for my body. Even then, he was extremely positive and supportive, making me feel like there was no reason my body couldn't do it.

Fast forward to April 2019, as soon as I hit 37 weeks, I was constantly paranoid that the baby was coming. Physically I didn't have any contractions, but I was mentally on edge every night going to bed that it would happen. I think I was most paranoid because we had a 20 month old son's care to coordinate. We had my parents scheduled to come to town five days before my due date (Grayson was born three days before his due date) and my wonderful mom-squad volunteered to be on call if Baby 2 should have arrived prior to my parents.

With Grayson, my water broke and that's how I knew labor was started. I hadn't had Braxton Hicks contractions with him, so I was a bit surprised when I had them the week before Baby 2's due date. I timed them and they were some what consistent for about two hours. Per my friend's recommendation, I took a hot shower and they went away. Then for the next week - nothing, no contractions. Ben's birthday passed (May 4th) and no baby (he was relieved not to have to share). Every night I went to bed, I prayed that I would get some decent sleep before baby decided to arrive so that I'd have the energy to bring the baby into the world on different terms. I also occasionally listened to Hynobabies VBAC tracks while falling asleep. This helped me to feel like I was preparing without overwhelming myself with all of the information and facts out there.

My parents got in town and settled in their Airbnb. This was the best idea ever; my parents found an Airbnb half a mile from our house which allowed them to be in nearby walking distance, but allowed us to have our physical and mental space prior to Baby's arrival and take some of the edge off the anticipation of wondering when things would happen. I highly recommend this option to have help available but to lessen the feeling of overwhelming pending change.

I woke up on my birthday, May 9th and felt off; kind of crampy and tired. At this point, I was still going to work daily on a construction site (although we were finishing up so the site itself wasn't unsafe for me to be walking around; the worst part was going to the bathroom every hour nine months pregnant in a portapotty). It was also snowing and I decided I would give myself a break and work from home.

I went to my 40-week appointment and my OB was in a birth so I saw a different doctor. As with my previous appointments, I declined a cervical exam. To me, and my OB agreed, there was no reason to have a cervical exam because it isn't a great indicator of when labor will start. There's a chance to introduce infection and also, for me, becomes a mental game - analyzing how dilated and effaced you are and guessing what it means. The OB I saw said keep doing what you're doing and if we don't have a baby by this time next week, then we'll talk about induction (my OB's generally policy is not to allow pregnancies to go past 42 weeks).

I did have a bit of a minor worry at this point that we really needed to get this baby on it's way because I wanted to avoid induction to have my best chance at a successful VBAC. I reached out to friends and asked if they had any natural induction methods that worked, but it turned out, I didn't need to use any of them (thankfully! Sex at 40 weeks did NOT sound appealing to anyone! ha!).

On May 10th, at 40 weeks, Baby 2's due date, I woke up at 4:23am to a contraction that felt much like the contractions I'd felt a week prior and instinctually knew it was the day! I got up and went to the bathroom (nothing new, at the end of pregnancy I was going three or four times a night). When I got back in bed, I felt another contraction and looked at the clock, it'd been ten minutes. I continued to lay there and tried to go back to sleep. I slept lightly off and on and continued to feel contractions.

Ben's alarm went off around 6:00am and he was surprised I was still in bed (I'm usually up by 5:30am work days). He asked why I wasn't up yet and I replied: "we're having a baby today!" I got Grayson ready for daycare. It was a surreal feeling; knowing the next time I'd see him, he'd be a big brother and would be huge in comparison to a newborn. While Ben took Grayson and picked up some breakfast for us, I showered and notified my doula and OB that I was in labor with contractions about 5-6 minutes apart. At that point, it was 7:30am and I had to breath through some of the contractions while on the phone. My OB said he knew we didn't want to be at the hospital too early and he'd notify them I would likely be there within a few hours.

We took this picture in between contractions because we knew it would be the last

By the time Ben got home, contractions were about 4 minutes apart and I had to work through some of them. I could barely eat breakfast but tried to get in as much as I could knowing I'd need the fuel. At 8:30am my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and I started getting nervous that we needed to get going. We gathered stuff around the house and checked into the hospital around 9:30am. We were immediately admitted. When the labor nurse said she needed to do a cervical exam to see how far along things were, I obliged but asked that I not be told where I was at or have it said aloud. She respected that.

Now, for the remainder of the day, I really have no sense of time, so time reflected here is a combination of how I felt it passed along with times given by Ben, doula (Krystal Bruches, who supported us through Grayson's pregnancy, labor and delivery also), and nurse.

I was confident that if this labor was similar to Grayson's (which was only about two hours of active labor), that I could get through it unmedicated. Prior to the end of my second pregnancy, I had discussions with both Ben and my doula that if things were slower with this time and if it got to a point where I needed to rest in order to have the best attempt at a successful VBAC, then I was willing to entertain the idea of an epidural. We all agreed we'd talk about it if it got to that point.

I labored around my room, using the room's counter and bathroom sink to lean into for support. My doula arrived and as contractions got stronger, she and Ben took turns applying counter pressure to my hips to work through contractions. Contractions were stronger, but they also slowed down (back to about 6-minutes apart). I was offered to have my waters broken, but I declined and said I wanted to wait a while longer, knowing that once my water was broken I would be put on a time clock to deliver. By this time it was at least 11am and I knew I hadn't really had much to each all day; I tried sucking down a sweet potato baby food pouch and ate cashews, but immediately knew they were coming back up. I eventually decided that I wanted to lay down and rest. I was able to sleep between contractions.

About forty-five minutes later I decided to wake up and walk around. Contractions picked up and I was examined again, but the nurse had a hard time figuring out where I was because she could only feel the sac of water. I asked if we could break my water; I think knowing subconsciously that it was time and I was ready. Once my water broke, I felt a huge gush and pressure relief initially; then things felt like they moved quickly and I was back in the heat of labor again.

Interestingly enough, a fellow VBAC friend had a home birth a few months prior and had written up her birth story. I'd read it a week or two before our due date and for whatever reason two notes had stuck with me. The first was that she found a certain point in labor she wanted to be alone and in the dark so she'd gone into the bathroom to labor. I found myself doing this (not to mention, the toilet is a great position to help move baby down). Being alone in the dark I was able to focus and work through contractions, yet Ben and my doula were close enough that they could come in and help apply counter pressure as needed.

Because I'd pushed some with Grayson and not been successful, I was apprehensive and anxious about the pushing part for this baby. During pregnancy I shared this worry with my doula and with the women at ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network). Both women had advised that when the initial push feeling came, it was almost good to keep it to myself and keep on breathing. The feeling would get stronger and stronger and the longer I waited, the more my body would do the work.

When I initially when I felt the need to push, I tried to keep breathing through it. Eventually I felt that I HAD to push and the nurse quickly wanted me off the toilet (ha!). We ended up configuring the hospital bed so that I was upright facing the back of the bed, which was also upright and had a grab bar for me to told on to (I might have held on really tight because for the two days following my arms were so sore!).

As I pushed, I couldn't quite figure out my breathing so it ended up being a mix of holding my breath to focus my pushing (productive) and grunting while pushing (not productive). After about a half an hour of this, the nurse (Casey), asked if she could check to feel what station the baby was at (how far dropped the baby was). As she did the exam, she said my cervix wasn't fully ready yet and she could feel that the baby was caught on the lip of it. This was the second note that I remembered from my friend's labor. Knowing she had been able to work through this and still deliver vaginally, I knew it was possible to overcome, so for the next thirty minutes, instead of pushing during contractions, I tried my best to breathe through them to allow my cervix to fully open and efface.

I got to the point I couldn't wait any longer and needed to push again. I wasn't really comfortable in the upright position or on all fours so I ended up on my back. Initially with each contraction I was trying to hold my own legs up and push, which was a lot of work. My nurse suggested that they help hold my legs so I could really focus on the pushing; this made SUCH a difference for me! My doula and nurse held my legs while Ben patted me with a wet wash cloth and held my coconut water. This helped me to relax between contractions and mentally work through each as it's own. Rather than thinking about the outcome of all the pushing, I told myself I needed to get through each individual contraction and I was one step closer. Trying to break up my thoughts like this, really helped me feel that it was achievable. Although I do think that at least twice I said to Ben and my doula I was so tired and how much longer would this last?

Eventually the baby moved down and the nurse said the head was right there. I'd read the birth stories in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth twice during pregnancy for inspiration. Some many of the women shared that they'd watched or felt the baby's head and I hadn't thought that would be for me. However, in the heat of the moment, I asked if I would be able to feel the baby's head. When I reached down and felt the head it was incredible. A new sense of determination came over me that I was so close to meeting this baby AND achieving my goal of an unmedicated VBAC.

Right after my OB came in and said we were ready to do this. Pushing brought intense pressure as baby crowned (holy cow, "Ring of Fire" really is an accurate description!!). I really didn't want to stop pushing, I just wanted baby OUT! My OB tried to guide the baby and advise me when to ease up on pushing to try to minimize tearing. Eventually that baby came out, I did it! In a split second I was overwhelmed that I had actually been able to do it! All of my doubts and fears were gone; the baby was here in the world and my body had done it all! It was an amazing feeling!!

 

I was on cloud nine and didn't think it could get any better; I'd just delivered a health baby via VBAC, but I was so wrong! My OB handed the baby up to me with the cord still attached.  Like with my first pregnancy, we decided to wait to find out the gender again (I'm bias, but it truly is THE best surprise in life!). At this point no one knew the gender  (except maybe my OB). He held up the baby and I looked behind the cord to reveal that we had a baby GIRL!!! I let out a sob and yelled to the room, "it's a girl!" and then I immediately moved the cord again to double check, I was in such shock! An absolute surprise; the best surprise I could have ever asked for.

*Ben took live photos of my pushing and when she was born; one of the photos actually has video of me exclaiming it's a girl; does anyone know how to turn a live photo into a video with sound?*

 

Our little girl, Parker Louise, was born at 4:48pm, measuring 22 inches, weighing 8lb 10oz via unmedicated VBAC, making all of my dreams come true.

 

My entire pregnancy, the baby had measured big and my OB was confident that we'd have at least an 8-pound baby. Yet, it was extremely surprising just how big she was considering Grayson was a peanut at 6lb, 8oz and 19 inches! I was also in shock that we had a girl. I tried not to read into my feelings to strongly that we would have a boy or a girl, but for some reason if I had to guess, I would have said we were having another boy. The idea of brothers close in age was endearing, but a boy and a girl was also ideal; either way, it was win-win!
I held baby girl while we waited for her cord to stop pulsing (which happened quickly, a minute or two) and Ben cut her cord. The placenta delivered soon after and I was thankful that I didn't have any pain, it just felt like a relief of pressure (or maybe I was too busy soaking in my little girl to notice). I wasn't interested in encapsulating the placenta, but in a way I do wish I would have at least taken a moment to look and appreciate the nourishment and life that it helped to create.

In total I pushed for about two hours, 30 minutes initially with little progress when my cervix wasn't fully ready and then an hour and a half bringing her into this world. However, I could have swore this felt more like at least four or five hours.

We didn't have a girl name picked out, we never did with my first pregnancy either. You would have thought in that two and a half years of pregnancy and kids we would have had something lined up, but nope!), so we spent that evening and next morning pours through our lists until we agreed. Just like Grayson James, there is no background or reason for the name, other than we love it and they are ours. Our family of four is now complete.

Photo by Courtney H Photography

Photo by Courtney Heckler