Motherhood: Find Your Tribe

Exactly a year ago today I was just over six months pregnant and my evening was double booked. The neighborhood facebook group of expecting/new moms with babies in 2017 was having a “happy hour” and I had a women in construction event to network with other women in the industry. As I usually do, I decided to squeeze in both events and now a year later, I’m so glad I did.

There were about 15 of us soon-to-be mommas at the happy hour. It’s funny because sometimes I consider myself an introvert when it comes to meeting new people, but I could talk motherhood, pregnancy and babies for a week straight. I plopped down on the couch near a group of girls and started chatting. We were all due within about 2.5 months of one another. Our baby (at the time we didn’t know the gender) was due on one of the girl’s birthdays! I spent about an hour there chatting with the girls about our general life background.

For the five of us chatting in the corner, it was our first child. Afterwards, we connected via Facebook and decided that we should continue to get together during pregnancy on a smaller scale (verse the large group). We met up twice after during pregnancy and shares texts of symptoms and excitement. We went to dinner on a Thursday night and that Saturday, the first of our baby crew was born! It was getting real!

When my water broke and we were admitted to the hospital, I waited to text the group until the next morning (the day Grayson was born). I got a group text one of the girls (the girl who’s birthday we were due on), that they was also admitted in the hospital, 2.5 weeks early from their due date with their daughter. Our kids were born just a few hours apart from one another; birthday buddies!

While it was fun conversing during pregnancy, I couldn’t have known then how much I would come to rely, trust, and love these girls once our babies were here. The daily texts; questions, comical events, successes and woes, brought us even closer together.  We first got together when we had three babies in the group and two women were still pregnant. It was so fun to see the littles we created in person and give the others a glance into their near future.

And maternity leave; I don’t know what I would have done without those who I shared maternity leave with.  It means so much to: 1. Get out of the house, 2. Get out of the house and be around people who GET it. They know it’s not easy and we’re still learning our babies ques. We’re still learning about ourselves as a mother. Having familiar faces to share library story time with, go for a walk or grab a beer, helps you ease into the new normal. During maternity leave I was living in the moment, as one should, and I didn’t realize how much these girls truly meant to me until I got back to work and missed them so incredibly much.

Now, nine months after our arrivals started, we all constantly get the babies together. Now more than previously, we share our successes, our  questions, our concerns, our tips. I have a constant 24-hour support line. Someone who’s willing to come over and babysit at the drop of a hat on a Saturday night when our babysitter cancelled. Someone who our kids will (hopefully soon) share the same daycare class. Someone who I can lament with over how cute baby girl clothes are. Someone who brings us all flowers from her garden just because. Someone who lives two blocks down the street from us for impromptu playdates that I hadn’t meet in the previous year of living in our house. As the babies start to interact more and more, it all continues to get better and better. As each child hits milestones (whether its sitting up, sitting in a highchair, eating solids or crawling), we learn from one another and are happy for each baby as if they were our own.

I mentioned above, we all met because of a facebook group for 2017 babies. While I was lucky enough to find my close mom tribe, there are so many friends we’ve made from this larger facebook group too. Would you believe it, there are 437 women with babies born in 2017 for my neighborhood and surrounding area that part of this private group? Not everyone posts on the group or is able to make it to events, but everyone that I have met and interacted with has helped or supported me in some way or another. There is ALWAYS someone to meet up with, share a similar experience, go for a walk, borrow an item, weekly happy hours.

When my maternity leave was ending and I was at our last library story time, one of these moms asked how I was doing and I lost it. I started sobbing in the middle of story time. She just held me and told me it’d be okay, and afterwards insisted we get a drink 😊 These are my people. People who get it (motherhood), who get me, and I’m grateful to know. It’s not easy and it seems weird, scary, or intimidating to meet new people, especially from the internet, but social media can be a powerful, and life changing tool. It’s worth it.

If you’re a mom, newly pregnant, or planning to be pregnant; put yourself out there. Find your people, your tribe. Find the people that you can send pictures of baby poop too (I don’t remember if I’ve actually done this, but I know I’ve contemplated it). Find the people that will bring you up, that will let know you it’s okay if you’re struggling to breastfeed, who will cry with your when your baby takes their first big fall, who know exactly how you feel when need to vent about your husband, who can tell you how they’re getting their kid to sleep through the night, who will loan you breastmilk when you’re going out of town for the first time and don’t have enough, who check in on you to see if baby’s cough has gone away, who help you feel confident breastfeeding in public, or who are just as eager to go to happy hour with a baby as you.

Babies bring about so much joy, but they also bring frustrations, fears, doubts, and change you. As much as I needed Ben to enter parenthood together, I needed these girls to help me enter motherhood. I’m so glad I found them to do into it together.

To my mom friends, you all will forever hold a special place in my heart that will never be forgotten or replaced. Love you!

I can't put into words how much these women mean to me, but I tried. Now excuse me while I go find a box of Kleenex!