Deja Vu

Here it is the end of July, 2018 and I'm feeling very much like I did this time a year ago.

Last year we had our first pregnancy and come July 2017, we were preparing for our first baby, due September 8th. My pregnancy had been relatively smooth sailing. I was trying to mentally prepare for baby and childbirth.

I'm not sure why or how, but I always knew I wanted an unmedicated birth. We hired a duo of doulas and were enjoying our last two months of us and of summer when my OB said that the baby was measuring large and she wanted to do an ultrasound to double check (we didn't know the gender at the time. Now that Grayson is here, I typically still refer to him as "baby" in utero out of habit).

We found out baby was breech and I spent much of the rest of my pregnancy as hormonal and emotional as it gets. (You can read about it here); and now I'm feeling much of that anxious emotion again right now.

Grayson is ten months old and not crawling yet.  To this point, he hasn't been a physical baby. He's never done log-rolls and is content sitting and playing. He's trying to get on all fours and army crawls backwards but he's not moving. He was a "late" sitter (at seven months and one day) also. At his nine month pediatrician appointment, our ped recommended we do an assessment with our state's Early Intervention program. It took a while to actually get the appointment scheduled and since then Grayson has shown more interest in crawling, so we considered cancelling the appointment.

Yesterday we went to it. He was evaluated with a play-based interview. An occupational and speech therapist asked us questions as they played with him. At the end of the interview, there was a definitive "yes, he qualifies", which surprised both Ben and I.

I spent yesterday afternoon feeling very emotional, similar feelings that I had to our breech pregnancy last time. I know there's an end; our breech baby was going to be born no matter what, just like in time, Grayson will crawl and will walk no matter what. But, it's the unplanned and unforeseen; it's the uncertainty, the stress, the emotional and mental push to get into the light is weighing heavy on my heart right now.

I'm going to give myself a moment to think "why me?". I had many moments, days and probably weeks of this feeling when we found out the baby was breech. But after allowing myself time, I quickly started to think, I don't want to give up hope and schedule a c-section, so what are my options? Similarly for Grayson's gross motor skills, as a parent there's only so much I can wallow. He can't fight for himself yet, so it's up to us to figure out what's best for him, even if we're learning as we go.

Just like Grayson's birth, he's following his own path and knows what was best for him;  I am reminding myself that this is also his path and we're here to help him progress along on it. This isn't the end of the world. This isn't something life-threatening or dangerous and I am thankful for that. This is just another step along parenthood and motherhood that is a learning moment for us all. There will be plenty more of these in his life. Bigger and scarier trials.

Some friends have had their children in the same program and rave about the impact it's had on their children, although they admit it can be hard also.

Moving forward, we'll be assigned an occupational therapist and a coordinator who will come to our house for a biweekly appointment. On the off weeks the OT will visit him at daycare so that he is in his natural settings, and from there, we'll move forward. Literally and figuratively.

Whatever happens, this child will always be the light of me life.

Photos by Courtney Heckler

https://courtneyheckler.com/

Motherhood: Find Your Tribe

Exactly a year ago today I was just over six months pregnant and my evening was double booked. The neighborhood facebook group of expecting/new moms with babies in 2017 was having a “happy hour” and I had a women in construction event to network with other women in the industry. As I usually do, I decided to squeeze in both events and now a year later, I’m so glad I did.

There were about 15 of us soon-to-be mommas at the happy hour. It’s funny because sometimes I consider myself an introvert when it comes to meeting new people, but I could talk motherhood, pregnancy and babies for a week straight. I plopped down on the couch near a group of girls and started chatting. We were all due within about 2.5 months of one another. Our baby (at the time we didn’t know the gender) was due on one of the girl’s birthdays! I spent about an hour there chatting with the girls about our general life background.

For the five of us chatting in the corner, it was our first child. Afterwards, we connected via Facebook and decided that we should continue to get together during pregnancy on a smaller scale (verse the large group). We met up twice after during pregnancy and shares texts of symptoms and excitement. We went to dinner on a Thursday night and that Saturday, the first of our baby crew was born! It was getting real!

When my water broke and we were admitted to the hospital, I waited to text the group until the next morning (the day Grayson was born). I got a group text one of the girls (the girl who’s birthday we were due on), that they was also admitted in the hospital, 2.5 weeks early from their due date with their daughter. Our kids were born just a few hours apart from one another; birthday buddies!

While it was fun conversing during pregnancy, I couldn’t have known then how much I would come to rely, trust, and love these girls once our babies were here. The daily texts; questions, comical events, successes and woes, brought us even closer together.  We first got together when we had three babies in the group and two women were still pregnant. It was so fun to see the littles we created in person and give the others a glance into their near future.

And maternity leave; I don’t know what I would have done without those who I shared maternity leave with.  It means so much to: 1. Get out of the house, 2. Get out of the house and be around people who GET it. They know it’s not easy and we’re still learning our babies ques. We’re still learning about ourselves as a mother. Having familiar faces to share library story time with, go for a walk or grab a beer, helps you ease into the new normal. During maternity leave I was living in the moment, as one should, and I didn’t realize how much these girls truly meant to me until I got back to work and missed them so incredibly much.

Now, nine months after our arrivals started, we all constantly get the babies together. Now more than previously, we share our successes, our  questions, our concerns, our tips. I have a constant 24-hour support line. Someone who’s willing to come over and babysit at the drop of a hat on a Saturday night when our babysitter cancelled. Someone who our kids will (hopefully soon) share the same daycare class. Someone who I can lament with over how cute baby girl clothes are. Someone who brings us all flowers from her garden just because. Someone who lives two blocks down the street from us for impromptu playdates that I hadn’t meet in the previous year of living in our house. As the babies start to interact more and more, it all continues to get better and better. As each child hits milestones (whether its sitting up, sitting in a highchair, eating solids or crawling), we learn from one another and are happy for each baby as if they were our own.

I mentioned above, we all met because of a facebook group for 2017 babies. While I was lucky enough to find my close mom tribe, there are so many friends we’ve made from this larger facebook group too. Would you believe it, there are 437 women with babies born in 2017 for my neighborhood and surrounding area that part of this private group? Not everyone posts on the group or is able to make it to events, but everyone that I have met and interacted with has helped or supported me in some way or another. There is ALWAYS someone to meet up with, share a similar experience, go for a walk, borrow an item, weekly happy hours.

When my maternity leave was ending and I was at our last library story time, one of these moms asked how I was doing and I lost it. I started sobbing in the middle of story time. She just held me and told me it’d be okay, and afterwards insisted we get a drink 😊 These are my people. People who get it (motherhood), who get me, and I’m grateful to know. It’s not easy and it seems weird, scary, or intimidating to meet new people, especially from the internet, but social media can be a powerful, and life changing tool. It’s worth it.

If you’re a mom, newly pregnant, or planning to be pregnant; put yourself out there. Find your people, your tribe. Find the people that you can send pictures of baby poop too (I don’t remember if I’ve actually done this, but I know I’ve contemplated it). Find the people that will bring you up, that will let know you it’s okay if you’re struggling to breastfeed, who will cry with your when your baby takes their first big fall, who know exactly how you feel when need to vent about your husband, who can tell you how they’re getting their kid to sleep through the night, who will loan you breastmilk when you’re going out of town for the first time and don’t have enough, who check in on you to see if baby’s cough has gone away, who help you feel confident breastfeeding in public, or who are just as eager to go to happy hour with a baby as you.

Babies bring about so much joy, but they also bring frustrations, fears, doubts, and change you. As much as I needed Ben to enter parenthood together, I needed these girls to help me enter motherhood. I’m so glad I found them to do into it together.

To my mom friends, you all will forever hold a special place in my heart that will never be forgotten or replaced. Love you!

I can't put into words how much these women mean to me, but I tried. Now excuse me while I go find a box of Kleenex! 

Grayson - 7.5 months

My Sweet Grayson,

You’re approaching eight months old. It’s true what they say, time goes by even quicker with kids.  We’re closer to your first birthday than the day you were born and it’s crazy how quickly things change, progress, and you grow.

There was a brief time we discussed the idea of not having children so that we could travel more and purchase a second home, etc, but deep down there was always a voice inside me whispering and I knew I was meant to be a mother. I’ve read and talked to a lot of moms who said their first baby was AMAZING, until they met their second child and realized their first born was amazing, but only because they didn’t know any better. I can confidently say, you truly are an amazing baby. 

Everything with you, and to you, is new and (mostly) exciting. Two weeks ago you started to sit independently.  Leading up to that, we spent a month or so of mornings before work practicing. We had you sit supported by the Boppy pillow and happily play with your activity cube as I sat next to you, eating my breakfast. One rainy Friday night (at 7months old and one day), for whatever reason, Dad decided to sit you down without the pillow and you did it! Like magic, all of a sudden you could sit on your own! It just clicked! Later that weekend, when I tried to take a picture of you sitting on your own, you were so proud and excited you threw your arms up in a squeal of delight and the momentum caused you to fall backwards! Now that it's been two weeks, you prefer to sit instead of laying down and you've reverted to hating tummy time when we practice your crawling.

First night of sitting, April 6th, 2018

 You’ve been sleeping through the night for months now, even with dropping your dreamfeed (a nursing session right before I went to bed), you're still able to sleep through the night. We never had to do formal sleep training with you because you learned as you grew. Starting Babywise with you at five weeks old was one of the best things I could have done for you and for our family.  The four month sleep regression hit a little early (at 3.5 months), but within three weeks, you rebounded like a champ and have been sleeping 7p to 5:30/6:00am almost every night since. We have an early wakeup here or there; those days I’m definitely more tired, but then I think of the friends we’ve met who still at this age rarely get more than five hours of sleep at a time and I’m so grateful that you’ve got the sleep thing down.

The not-so exciting part is that a week ago Sunday, you decided to boycott your naps. Prior to that you were taking at least two solid naps a day totaling at least three hours, both at school and home. Last Sunday, you wanted nothing to do with your naps. Ever since we and school have struggled to get you to nap more than 30 minutes at a time. You poor boy! You must be so tired every night at bedtime.

We introduced solids (real solids as in Baby Led Weaning, you eat what we eat, not purees) shortly after six months. I left you and Dad for a weekend getaway with Aunt Maggie and I missed you so much that on the flight back I read the entire Baby Led Weaning book! It took you about a week to get the idea and hang of it, but now when we set you in the high chair you get excited and start reaching for your food. Initially you loved roasted sweet potato and then we introduced you to roasted broccoli. Daddy hates veggies, so it cracks me up that this is your favorite food! This past weekend we gave you utensils for the first time. I was fascinated by how quickly you caught on. The second night of utensils, I gave you a fork, in addition to the spoon from the first night, and you immediately picked it up correctly and brought it to your mouth! Proud momma moment!

You're laughing more and more! Each time we hear your sweet giggle, Daddy and I beam in smiles and start to laugh. You love it when Daddy holds you up and swings you back and forth to "tick tock". You smile and laugh when Oscar comes in the room and when I blow "bubbles" on your belly.

Being your mom continues to be a rewarding task and one that I’m so lucky you chose me. I can’t help but look at you and be amazed by that we created you. You remind me that the simplest tasks are not to be taken for granted and that life itself is truly a miracle. Thank you for showing me!

Love,

Mom

Grayson - Two Months

I know it sounds cliche, but I'm not even sure where the last month has gone. Its weird, with a newborn (can I still call him that?), it's like time travels as wharped speed, but, so much happens during that time period.  Grayson has started to smile and coo. It's heart melting.

Our Schedule

Our other biggest accomplishment during month two is getting on a schedule.  If you can't tell or don't know, I'm typically a Type-A person. I'm trying really hard not to be a Type-A parent, but having a schedule has been such a sigh of relief for me. I've been able to know when Grayson will nap and have been able to schedule appointments like the dentist and a haircut during these nap times with no issues.

One of my new friends who is also a new mom (her daughter is 10 days older than G), mentioned using Babywise scheduling. I had the book but not read into it yet.  Once we talked more, I was so intrigued, I decided to read more when Grayson was six weeks old.  The fundamental concept of Babywise is for parents to use the clock combined with their digression (looking for cues from baby) for a cycle of feed/wake/sleep.  People have been shocked when I've mentioned waking a sleeping baby, but when I'm waking him for food, he's never angry :)  By waking him and immediately feeding, that allow him to use his energy to be an efficient feeder. He typically nurses for 15-20 minutes total. After feeding, he stays awake for about 40 minutes (so at this age his total awake time for one cycle is roughly an hour). Most times it becomes obvious when he's ready for a nap.  He'll continually yawn, flutter his eyes or cry for no reason. 

My goal is to have him nap at least two or three times a day in his crib, which sometimes is challenging because I like us to be on the go and he's guaranteed to nap in his car seat. For daytime naps, I close the blinds and shades, swaddle him and lay him in the Dock-A-Tot in his crib with a pacifier and noise maker (see below for some of my favorite first two month baby items). I stand over his crib and hold his paci until he has it secure and then I leave the room. He rarely instantly falls asleep. He will whimper and cry a little, but typically is asleep within 5-10 minutes of me leaving the room.  We're okay with little him cry this little bit to soothe himself (I've read that even at this young age, babies will cry before sleeping as a way to release some of their energy).

So our typical day schedule is something like this:

6:30am - wake for the day and feed

7:30am - down for nap (this gives me time to pump and make coffee)

8:45am - wake for feed (this morning feed gets a little skewed because I started doing workouts this week with Stroller Striders and I want him to nap during my class)

9:30am - nap

12:00pm - feed

1:00pm - nap

3:00pm - feed

4:00pm - nap

5:30pm - feed (as we approach evening we try to feed slightly closer together to fill him up for overnight). This feed is typically a bottle feed given by Ben of pumped milk. We wanted to make sure he would take a bottle for caregivers/babysitters). After his bottle, I pump.

6:30pm - nap

8:00pm - wake, change into pjs (nightgown and swaddle) and fresh diaper, feed. He will nurse himself to sleep.

The overnight is where we've been struggling a little. According to Babywise, once baby hits 5 weeks, they have the capability to sleep every hour for every week old they are. So, I set my alarm for a late night feed at midnight and technically after this Grayson is capable of sleeping until our 6:30am wake up, but he's still in the habit of waking up around 3:30am (which used to be our middle of the night feed time until we dropped it at 7 weeks old). Our pediatrician said we're doing the right thing to not feed at this time anymore and try to soothe him instead. I have my fingers crossed his body gets the memo before I go back to work at the beginning of December!

My Post Partum

I have been happy with my physical and mental changes coming into motherhood.  I have been so lucky to find a group of women who also are at the same phase of their lives that live nearby and I can share my maternity leave with. It's been SO nice to have people to discuss accomplishments, challenges and vents with! Not to mention, go out in public with so we're not stuck at home.  We met via a Facebook group for mom's in our neighborhood back in June and have just kept the relationships going. 

I mentioned in our schedule, one of our friends told us about Stroller Strides and just this week I've signed up and been getting back into exercising on a regular basis (before this, I was doing walks and runs about three times a week)! Even though I'm still breastfeeding, I hit a weight loss plateau. If you've followed my body adventure, I worked really hard during 2016 to lose weight (approximately 30 pound) and get my body healthy in advance of pregnancy.  I know it took nine months to put on the baby weight, but I am ready to say goodbye to it sooner than that! 

Favorites

I want to share (and document for myself for future pregnancies) some of my favorite items this far for both mom and baby.

Baby Favorites at Two Months

Dock-A-Tot

Initially the first month or so, I wasn't sure the Dock was worth the hefty price tag.  We didn't seem to use it all that often, but looking back, I think a large part of that was that we let Grayson fall asleep whenever, wherever. Now that we have a nap routine, he sleeps most of his naps in his Dock.

He also will sleep longer overnight if in his Dock. I know there's a lock of controversy over it's safety but Ben and I decided we are comfortable with using it.  It's been especially handy for those times when we can't soothe him back to sleep overnight and we bring him into bed. The Dock-A-Tot was designed as a co-sleeper, so if Grayson can't fall back asleep, we'll place him in the Dock between us and hold his pacifier for him; usually within five minutes he's back asleep.

Woombie Swaddle

We were gifted this armless, double zipper swaddle and it's been awesome! It's like a little cocoon for him. He can't sneak out his arms (like in other swaddles) and the double zipper it so convenient for late night diaper changes where you can open the bottom zipper and keep his arms swaddled. We pretty much us this swaddle every night paired with a sleeping gown for easy diaper access.

Baby Shusher

Most people have heard of Happiest Baby on the Block or the "5 S's"; well, at 3am when you're standing over a crib and "shhhhing" for five minutes or more, your mouth (and body and mind) are extremely tired.  The Shusher does the shushing work for you. When I first saw this, I thought it was the stupidest idea ever, but after a few nights of shushing, we added this to our registry and now we use it as a nose machine for every nap and every overnight sooth.  It's more or less a portable white noise machine (although Spotify has some great playlists for that too).

Honorable mention is our BOB Revolution stroller and Ergo 360 Infant Carrier. Since we're active people, these have both been great outdoors. We love the BOB for it's shocks on our awful neighborhood sidewalks and for runs. We love the Ergo for hikes. He always falls asleep in it!

Mom Favorites

As I've mentioned, I'm still breastfeeding and continues to go well. I have found some nursing friendly items that I wear/use on a daily basis.

Hands-Free Pumping Bra

Number one most important item! I had put one on my registry but it wasn't purchased. The first night in the hospital I had to pump and immediately understood why they are recommended! I hopped on Amazon and it was delivered to our house by the time we were released from the hospital.

Nursing Tanks and Bras

I'm always wearing either one of these tanks or one of these bras. The fabric is soft and stretchy that offers support, but they're not so tight that they make me feel awkward with the leftover baby weight. The bras do have foam cups that can be a little bit annoying; but the bra is so comfortable and affordable, I don't mind the nuisance.

Nightgown

This night gown is non-maternity/non-nursing; but it works for both. I wore this throughout my pregnancy. I also have continued to wear them now because they offer support and the strap is easy to drop down your shoulder for nursing. There is a maternity version, but it's a shorter length. I preferred this length to cover my bump. (I ordered my regular size; small).

Nursing Shirt

Target considers these nightshirts, but I wear mine all of the time.  They come in short and long sleeved, but sell out quickly, so I would frequently check the website for them. Now that the temps are cooler, they're perfect to wear during the day with a cardigan over them and you can't tell at all that they're nursing tops then.  I also love the longer length in the back to cover your booty. The fabric is really soft, but I have noticed it's easy to catch and snag if you're not careful. The sizing is pretty generous that I own these tops in both extra small and small.

That's all for my favorites! But what would a two month update be without some pictures taken over the last month?

Grayson - One Month

How has it been one month?

One month notes:

• Weight: 8lb, 6oz
• Longest sleep: 4 hours, 45 minutes
• Diaper size: newborn
• Clothing size: newborn
• First (unofficial) smile: 9/12/2017
• First bottle (pumped milk): 10/2/2017
• First bath: 10/4/2017
• You went to four breweries in your first fifteen days of life

A letter to one-month old Grayson:

Dear Grayson,

You've been in this world one month today. It's been the slowest yet the fastest month of my life. Everything looks and feels different with you here. We are so overcome with love and admiration for you. I could sit for hours watching you; your little fingers, the rise and fall of your chest, your squeaky breathes, your big arm stretches, your mouth movements; you are our perfection.

We've already had so much fun with you here. You've been to breweries, Summit County for a fall colors drive, a fall colors hike, and multiple neighborhood walks. You're a little testy about the Moby wrap, but you love cuddling up with Daddy wearing you in the Ergobaby 360.

You love looking out windows and at lights. So far you tend to prefer holding your head/looking to the right; just as I felt your head in the womb. We've started tummy-time and your daddy gives you a bottle of pumped breastmilk once a day to help you learn how.

For someone so small, you have such a presence. When you're awake and alert, you have the most beautiful blue eyes (we can thank your dad for that). When you sleep, you exude a peace that makes me want to hold you for a thousand years.

I already can't imagine life without you. I am blessed that you are ours and we are yours.

We love you forever,
Your momma

Weeks 2 and 3 Postpartum

Well, we've managed to get this far! Honestly, I have to say, things are going much better than I anticipated. Overall, Grayson is a great baby. I had the expectation that we'd both end up in a heap on the floor crying and of endless, sleepless nights. Thankfully I haven't had any tears or postpartum baby blues to date and although segmented, I am getting some sleep.

A few notes about my second and third week postpartum experience...

Recovery
I'm happy to say my recovery has been pretty smooth. The first few days home I tried to take it easy and limit my movement, which helped. I also wore a belly band (similar to this) for about a week. Having the extra applied pressure on my stomach and incision helped with pain during movement, laughing or coughing.

Following the procedure, I didn't take any narcotics and stuck with Motrin/ibuprofen. I was able to stop taking this completely around 13 days postpartum.

After my two week check up, I was cleared for light exercise and driving, so I've been trying to get in my daily two mile walk, similar to the last weeks of pregnancy. I'm going to wait until my six week appointment to attempt running. My doctor also recommended I stop wearing the belly band and start focusing on trying to strengthen my stomach and abdominal muscles again.

I've been applying Earth Mama Angel Baby C-Salve to my incision daily.

After my two week appointment we stopped in the hospital to bring baked goods as a thank you to the nurses who helped us from Labor & Delivery, NICU, and Family Care (recovery). The only nurse we were able to see was Cynthia from L&D. I bawled when I saw her. It's the only time I can remember crying since leaving the hospital. She had such an impact on my success for unmedicated labor. When I started laboring she put her hand on my sternum and had me mimmick the deep low sounds she was making. She showed Ben how to do this and it was one of the primary breathing and pain doing techniques I used during labor. She is amazing!

During labor she warned me she was going to leave at 11am for an hour,  Because labor happened so quickly, when she came back she had no idea where we were (at this point we'd gone into the OR). She said she couldn't believe how quickly things happened and commended me for being such a trooper and fighter. I'll always remember her!

Weight
Overall with my pregnancy, I gained about 40 pounds. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) and put on medication.  I'm still taking the medication and will checked to see if I can go off of it. Three weeks postpartum, I'm down about 17 pounds (Grayson was 6lb 8oz). The  majority of this was baby and due to breastfeeding. As I increase my exercise, we'll see how the weight loss journey goes.

Breastfeeding
I've been blessed so far that things are going so smoothly in this department. Grayson has a great latch and my body is producing to keep up with his needs. I do use Mother Love nipple cream sporadically but haven't endured much pain besides initial latch (which I've heard is normal). My true goal is to nurse for a year, but it may be a little lofty, so I'm starting with a six month goal.

I haven't had any issues nursing him in public. I have a cover and wear nursing friendly clothes when I know there's a chance he may get hungry. Ben was a little weirded out the first time, but honestly, in general breastfeeding has been quite empowering for me; to know that I can give him everything he needs to grow!

Sleep
Honestly, it's hit or miss. Grayson does latch easily and feeds well, so our nursing sessions vary between ten and twenty minutes. But some nights he's on a 45 minute nursing cycle, which means I get 20-30 minute breaks and sometimes he'll go three hours. Because he was in the NICU and feed so much initially (to raise his blood sugar levels), he never dropped below his birth weight so we don't have to monitor his time in between feeding.

We've been trying to keep him more engaged and awake during the day, especially after 7pm, or as much as possible and this seems to help us get some longer two-and-a-half/three hour stints between feeding. Last night we had a four hour gap, which was amazing!

Help
Ben went back to work two weeks after Grayson was born. We've had my parents here helping since he was 10 days old and they'll leave this week, but it has been a blessing to have help with grocery shopping, meal prep, dishes and having someone to hand Grayson off to when we need a break or take Oscar for a walk.  We even went out our first "date" Sunday (somehow Ben convinced me to see the movie IT).

Overall
We could not be more smitten with Grayson and every little thing he does. We've been able to make outings like our annual fall colors drive and brewery visits work with him as our sidekick. Yep, we are feeling pretty lucky with this little guy.

1 Week Postpartum

Grayson has been here a week; a week already!  It's been blissful and stressful but wonderful. I wanted to jot down a few memories from this week...

NICU
The night of Grayson's birth, when the nurse checked his vitals, his blood sugar level was low. They sent a sample to the lab to verify the reading and it came back even lower than initially measured (a 12; which we were told is critically low. The ideal within the first four hours of life is above 40). Because of this, it was determined that he should go to the NICU for an IV to give him some sugar water to try to raise the levels.

Ben went with into the NICU and I stayed in our room to recover and rest. The poor guy; the nurses tried for over an hour to get an IV in and nothing seemed to work. Ultimately they decided that his head was the best spot. They tried one location and hit an artery :( Finally, they find a place on the side of his side that was successful.

It was suggested that in addition to the IV, I try to nurse him and pump to bring in my milk as well as give him donor milk or formula. We requested that donor milk be given and we started a trifecta of feeding: nursing, pumping and donor milk bottles.  My first pumping session was so bizarre and foreign. I was in our room by myself while Ben was in NICU with Gray. I didn't get much (I think 5ml?) but within 24 hours I was able to pump 20-48ml in a session, which was enough to eliminate donor's milk! I nursed and then Ben feed him a bottle of pumped milk. In the 24 hours, Grayson's blood sugar levels sky rocketed and we were able to remove the IV.

He was monitored for the next 12 hours and approximately 36 hours after going to NICU, he was released back to our recovery room. I had gone back to the room to shower (my first delivering, amen!) and when I got out of the shower I called out to see who was in the room. Ben responded, "no one that cares if you're naked". I put on my robe and walked out to see Ben and Gray snuggled today. It was a heart stopping moment.

Room Service
That first night with Grayson in our room (Thursday, 9/7), we ordered room service for dinner. They quoted us an hour wait so I decided to pump after ordering. Within 20 minutes of our order being placed, there was a knock on the door. Sure enough, it was room service.  I was mid-pump and didn't want to stop, so Ben apparently did the most logical thing he could think of and threw a blanket over me and my head to tell room service to come in.

I was sitting under the blanket, feeling both awkward and hysterical. Neither of us could keep a straight face as room service came and asked where to set the food. I'm sure the guy got a kick out of my sitting there like a ghost. He asked if there was anything else we needed and from under the blanket, between laughter, I said, no thank you so much.  I literally peed my pants!

Poop
While in the NICU the second night (Wednesday, 9/6) I had finished nursing and Ben was holding Grayson, feeding him a bottle. All of a sudden we heard a big squirt and Ben said, uhhh he basically just pooped in my hand!  Because he'd been in the NICU for about a day, we hadn't changed any diapers yet and didn't know where they were. I called the nurse and when she came in, Ben changed his first ever human diaper.

Homecoming - Oscar
We left the hospital on Friday, 9/8, Grayson's due date. Things were surprisingly easy at home. At this point my milk production had been so good that we eliminated pumping sessions and went to regular nursing sessions.

We decided to leave Oscar at the kennel the first night so that we could see how things went and they went! Gray poops/pees, eats and sleeps. Saturday Ben picked up Oscar with a blanket in hand. O smelled it briefly in the car but didn't pay much attention. In the house, he really didn't notice Grayson much until he started crying. Then Osc became very curious.  Now, three days later, Oscar will sometimes cry along with Grayson (which is awful) but most of the time he just wants to sit was is going on. We're so grateful Oscar is tolerating this change. We didn't think it would go as well as it is.

Pee
We have worked to establish an overnight routine. When Grayson cries, I'll wake Ben for a diaper change, he'll change him and bring him to me to nurse. Our third night home (Sunday, 9/10), Ben was doing a change and started yelling and laughing from the bathroom. I asked if he needed help and he said, yea come in here. We experienced our first pee fountain. Ben had opened the diaper to change and as he did, Grayson started peeing the perfect arch, getting pee all over the bathroom floor :)

Recovery
My recovery is going well. I was worried about stairs and energy levels. The first several days I didn't leave the house and my walks were limited to the main floor of the house. Monday (6 days pp), we took our first family walk up the street to get coffee.  I've not needed narcotics for pain, but have been sticking with 800mg of ibuprofen. Although, instead of the maximum allowed 4 doses a day, I'm taking 2-3 depending how the timing works out.

Today, at one week pp, I decided to put on the belly binder band my OB gave me a script for. What a difference! I was worried to put it on too soon, but it is offering a lot of support. The compression is great for all of the deep belly laughs Ben and I are sharing as we navigate our way into parenthood.

Overall
Grayson is latching and eating well. It's better than I expected. It's not painful and he eats relatively quick, 20-30 minute sessions every 2-3 hours for the most part. This has allowed us to get solid chunks of sleep, so much so that I haven't hit a point of exhaustion.

I also have to say how wonderful it is having Ben. He's the best support I could ask for. Diaper changes, laundry, grocery shopping, meals, meds and water; he's got it all covered for us. He's the perfect partner!